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I was asked to write an "Artist Statement" many years ago,

I didn't know what to write, I managed something, but it was

forced and somewhat mediocre.

I always felt that art needn't be explained, I still believe so.

Art is Art, it moves you, touches you, revolts you, as long as

it evokes something, Art is doing its job.

I guess this is my brand new "Artist Statement" which is

about explaining myself to you, as a painter, a dabbler,

someone who without art feels life makes no sense,

has no meaning. Painting makes life worth living, I am doing

something, not for posterity, not for the world, but for me,

a declaration of self, "I exist, I am".

As an Artist I find I must re-invent myself over and over again

and to be completely honest, it's never easy, maybe because

I am plagued with self doubt and self deprecation.

I feel as if my "Art" is a living, breathing entity. As such,

I sometimes argue with it, I sometimes hate it. it's almost like

one of those bad relationships some people seem to have,

no matter how much the argue or cannot stand each other,

they never seem to be able to completely let go of one

another.

My "Art" and I drifted apart, but it wasn't an easy break-up, some days it hurt so bad I couldn't breathe, but I couldn't paint either. This wasn't painters block, this was something else, something so overwhelming I couldn't fight it, it covered me, it clouded me, it was so pervasive it left me empty and drained.

I had lost my newly acquired identity as a painter, I had just started to feel I was on the way to really finding my style, my brush strokes, when I was left breathless and unable to paint.

As the years have gone by, and a lot of thinking, arguing, being angry, sad, frustrated with myself and my art, I have found my way back to it, and it to me.

Here I faced a new challenge, who was I now as an Artist? where to start? I knew I couldn't just pick up where I had left off, it was not going to be possible, neither of us was the same, we had both overcome so much.

I began to question art, and my perception of it. I didn't have a classical training, I worked in Ateliers and endless hours by myself and I read, I realised that whilst doing this I had set up a certain amount of rules, what is "allowed" and what isn't, by doing so I had hindered my growth as an Artist.

Nobody teaches you how to be an Artist, you are taught painting techniques, ideas, etc. Yet nobody teaches you what it is to be an Artist, probably it isn't possible to do so.